There is a dog by the name of Homer..He came from the rescue program. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10 year old child whom you know nothing about and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.. Now as the story goes
….. Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He would only sleep on the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to owners face as he could get without actually performing a French kiss on him. Lest you think this is a bad case of ‘no discipline,’ that they tried every means to break him of this habit including locking him in a separate bedroom for several nights.
…. It was the time of Thanksgiving for family, extended family and a lot of friends.d a lot of friends.The owner of the dog Homer,was assigned the task of preparing 124 of yeast dinner rolls for the two Thanksgiving feasts. Since the kitchen was freshly painted you can imagine the odor. Not wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams latex paint #586, THe rolls were put on baking sheets and set in the living room to rise for 5 hours. After 3 hours, Homers owner, decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour.
…. An hour later the rolls were ready to go in the oven. It was 8:30 pm. When he went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much to his shock one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. He called out to Homer and his worst nightmare became a reality. Homer, literally wobbled over to his owner, He looked like a combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped up in fur. He groaned when he walked. His cheeks were bloated.
….Right away the vet was called. After a few seconds of uproarious laughter, the vet told him the dog would probably be OK, however, it needed to be given Pepto Bismol every 2 hours for the rest of the night. And why anyone would think a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than kids did when they were sick. Suffice to say that by the time they went to bed the dog was black, white and pink. Homer was so bloated they had to lift him onto the bed for the night.
….Naively thinking the dog would be all better by morning was very stupid on his owners part. Early in the morning at 7:30 and as always the first thing; put the dog out to relieve himself. Well, the darn dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he was walking his front half was going one direction and the other half was either dragging the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction. He couldn’t lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the same time. When he ran down the small incline of the back yard he couldn’t stop himself and nearly ended up running into the fence. His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon.
….Laughing the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed drunk. He assured Homers owners that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would wear off after about 4 or 5 hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.
……..Afraid to leave him by himself in the house. THey loaded him up and took him to the sister’s house for the first Thanksgiving meal of the day. THe sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch, (10 to 15 minute drive). Rolls firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the back seat onto the console of the car they took off.
…. Now I know you probably don’t that dogs burp, but it was told that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP. These burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in a drunk tank at the police station. But that’s not the worst of it. Now Homer was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls.
…. Once Homer was firmly placed in the sister’s garage with the door locked, they finally sat down to enjoy the first Thanksgiving meal of that day. The dog was the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the garage to witness the drunk dog, each returning with a tale of Homers latest endeavor to walk without running into something.
…. Of course, as the old adage goes,what goes in must come out” and Homer was no exception. Granted if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen, unbaked yeast rolls, you might as well have put a concrete block up my behind, but alas a dog’s digestive system is quite different from yours or mine. It was discovered this was a mixed blessing when they prepared to leave the house. Having discovered Homers “packages” on the garage floor, Homer was loaded up in the car so they could hose down the floor.
….This was another naive decision on their part.
….. The blast of water from the hose hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast from the hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure. It finally was remove with a shovel. Homers owner had to get on his hands and knees with a coarse brush to get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn’t degrading enough, the darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw prints all over the garage floor that had to be brushed too.
…. Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely so they took him home and dropped him off before we going to the second Thanksgiving dinner at the sister’s house. THe report as of today is that the dog is back to normal both in size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None the worse for wear I presume.
…. I am also happy to repoprt that that evening 2 risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door. It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but decided hiding 2 of them for later would not be a bad idea.
….Homers owner is still doing research on the computer as to “How to clean unbaked dough from the Carpet.” And how was your Day?